neemouse

Link 5
Notes Dear Meat: Dear Replacement Neighbor,

I really thought things were bad when I was late for work on Friday and my car started dying whenever idling. Things were looking up when I actually made it back to my condo and found some available spots to ditch it and get to work.

Little did I know it was you blocking the driveway for my…

Link 2
Notes Should've guessed it would be "Strength"...

The tarot cards have been asking for some attention lately. My health is not improving, and I was running out of places to turn for info. So, with my thyroid reaching beyond hyper and knowing circumstance was to blame, but without being able to get perspective, much less a handle on my stress level, I went and pulled out the tarot stuff.

The answer was just too obvious. I can’t believe how long I had been trying without success to make sense of the last 8 months. Whatever; I finally came away with helpful information.

2011= Turbulent year for relationships and nearly constant adversity on the job. The feeling I needed to stay close to home and engineer protective mechanisms. A feeling of being turned to stone emotionally.

Looked up 2011 for myself and found my Chariot Year - description as usually uncanny.

2012 = Only increasing adversity in the job (how was that possible?). Constant questions about whether to give it up altogether. Ongoing fears of intimacy alongside instincts to reject all closeness even with family, all being very unlike the “me” that I identify with. Faucet-like release of emotions such that they seem to be my primary focus nearly every day since just before the holidays, significantly aggravating my health condition. Constant feelings of self-judgement as I evaluate wins and losses and mainly observe what feel like losses.

Strength Year validated.

Focusing now on advice tailored for Strength Year:

Turn passion into meaningful projects instead of wasting it or allowing it to become a destructive force.
Embrace what I feel to be ugly or beastly in myself so that I can build strength of character.

No big deal, I should have that done by lunchtime. HA!

Spotify: a song about embracing your shadow side, and not just what’s sunny. Marry the Night?

#tarot #2012 #Strength Year #shadow side #well-being #wellness #health

Photo 2
Notes

Meanwhile I found an app that I love - Star Walk. Last night my poor thyroid was running at 100 mph and I was downright set on having a fight with someone. Why all the ‘war’ energy? Out of curiosity, I looked for Mars. The darned planet was staring down at me from right over my head!!!

Today feels distinctly more full of possibility. The sun was out, so I pointed my phone at the sky to see what was up. My own sign, Capricorn was shining down on me overlapping the Sun. And while I’m not an astrologer and am not sure what to make of that it seems like a good thing. All I know for certain is that Mars is on the other side of the planet and I’m going to take advantage of it’s distance before it comes around again this evening.

#Resolve #astrology #health #wellness

Text Growth: only a little less of a bitch than Karma

So I seem to be playing a game with myself where I work directly against, or otherwise fail to achieve, any of the goals or standards I say I have for myself and all the advice I give to others:

I neglect myself, the people who love me, and my dear cat who badly needs my attention. I obsess about things over which I have no control. And to change the things I can control, it seems to not matter at all how many resolutions I make, I still: fail to exercise, meditate, manage my stress or take the herbs that I know for a fact help with my anxiety and general ability to function well. And all the while I watch my mind change and my body change in dramatic and noticeable ways… all decidedly not positive.

The stakes are getting a bit too high to continue this. Three years ago I lost 20 lbs of excess weight, achieved calm and clarity and overcame illness. I meditated and did yoga just about every single day. I looked with compassion at others who couldn’t break free of their self-defeating patterns, watching them wolf down cookies and schlep themselves through dreaded Mondays, biding their time until Fridays rolled around.

And then I fell back into all the patterns that created the weight, tension, and confusion, and threatened my well-being. Mentally, emotionally, psychically and physically I am feeling worse off than potentially I was to begin with. But…

All the work I’ve done over all the years must not have been entirely without effect - a voice in the back of my head says none of this represents failure but illuminates the very growth I’m meant to remain focused on. Calm, clarity and health are not something achieved, but maintained.

So I’m going to stop blaming the gods and the universe (all of which is against my religion), stop listening to the voice that calls me a failure, stop paying attention to external forces and start the hell over again.

And I’m going to keep in mind it’s not entirely from scratch.

Spotify soundtrack: Is it trite to say Born This Way is the only appropriate option?